Include, don't exclude.

I spoke about the visit I had from the Neurological physiotherapist who sided with my husband to use the dreaded PACE word.

Well since Thursday which was a bit busy, to say the least, I have rested and been very good. I have only been to the bathroom and back otherwise I have lazed about like lady muck!!!

It isn't all down to the stroke though as I woke the other night in pain and found the herniated disc in my upper back was hurting and the pain had travelled down my left arm to my hand.

This is not good news for two reasons. I is extremely uncomfortable and painful to move and as I cannot lie down in the proper position to wear my CPAP mask I cannot use the CPAP machine at night. The machine is what keeps me breathing so this is very scary.

I hardly get any sleep so I doze on and off all day. I take strong painkillers to try and hit the pain but they make me dozy and then as they wear off the pain comes back and wakes me up. A truly vicious circle.

Still I am able to get some things done whilst waiting for painkillers to kick in. I decide on meals and tell my husband what I want doing for food and he is great at cooking so he follows my instructions with no problem. I didn't sleep at all well last night and grabbed a few hours here and there only to wake up at 11am! Luckily I had told him that I wanted a roast chicken dinner so he had all the ingredients. He did it in the slow cooker and after browning the chicken and potatoes in the oven it was delicious. Although I am not actually cooking I am still able to have input into what we eat.

I am reading too as I am finding using the computer painful so only do so for short periods of time. Books are heavy to hold so I am using my Kindle a lot. I am not sure if I am making progress on the reading side. I was finding that every page was like a new book and I couldn't remember what had occurred before in a book. Once or twice I have had a tug at a memory but it flits away very quickly.

I haven't been back to church yet although our Minister visited me in hospital and told me to PACE myself, I believe everyone is in on this act! Today a church member came to visit me at home and she used that P word as well! Really. She brought us up to date with church news and gossip. There are some things I am so looking forward to being involved with but I can only do them if I behave! Well I have been good and I realise it is for my own good. As I can't do much else at the moment I don't have any choice but still I can see the sense in it.

My one big worry was that be good and PACING meant I would have no involvement in running our home. But that isn't true I am involved because my husband wants me to be. I still have decisions to make and I tell him how I want things done. We have been a team and that is still how things are. I am not feeling resentful as he listens to me and discusses what we do.

When you have Aphasia there is the problem that you could get left out. I am very fortunate that my husband makes sure I am NOT left out he ensures I am included. I understand what he says and I know what I want it is just difficult to get that across at times.

I truly feel I am treated like anyone else and that is all anyone wants. Our Minister talks to me like anyone else and so did our visitor today. She saw the book I have about Aphasia and said the Minister had said to the congregation that this is what I have but like some others she didn't know what it is. I showed her the page that explains it and she was interested and asked about the therapy that will help me. That is the sort of people I want and need around me.

She also prayed with us which was lovely as I am missing the visits from the hospital chaplains who came often to chat and twice a week to give communion.

What a difference it makes to your faith in others when you are treated as anyone else, a normal individual who can think and make decisions. I have three things I am wanting to do now and I have contacted people to make them aware of the situation and told them I want to be included and treated as everyone else. They have ensured me they will and I trust them to do so.

Include don't exclude a motto that we should use for anyone and everyone. They may be a little different but they are all people with feelings a lot to offer.